Mixed Feelings

So, the pacifier...what can I say? I have such mixed feelings about it. Matthew never took one, so I had formed all previous opinions from a kid who never took one. I remember being so frustrated when he was tiny and wouldn't take it. Then as he got older, I became so thankful that he didn't because I didn't have to worry about taking it away (not that we have nothing to be concerned about with him sucking his fingers...) So now there's Jacob. Jacob LOVES his pacifier. There are many times that I LOVE the pacifier too. When we're in a quiet place, like church, and he gets fussy, it's wonderful. When we're sitting in a drive thru and waiting a little too long, it's magical. When two kids are more than I can handle and Jacob won't stop crying, it's just the thing I need to survive. But at 4 am when it falls out of his mouth and wakes him up and I have to get out of bed to put it back in his mouth - not so much. He's becoming more aware of the pacifier. He's started trying to put it in his mouth himself, which he is occasionally successful. But usually, it just results in him quickly getting frustrated that he can't get it right (I think he's going to be quick to get frustrated in life - that seems to be his way so far!) He's also started pulling it out of his mouth as soon as we put it in. It seems like it's just out of curiosity and playfulness. It's not that he doesn't want it.

So the point at which we both got very frustrated was in the middle of the night on Saturday night. My mom had Matthew (his first night away from us!), so we were counting on a somewhat decent night's sleep. Well, Jacob woke up at 3:30. I went in the put the pacifier back in his mouth, which usually puts him right back to sleep. It's slightly annoying, but no big deal. I'm back in bed quickly. But not last night. He constantly pulled it out of his mouth over and over. It was always right about the time I crawled back in bed. I fought it for about 30 minutes, and then decided to let him cry. I was tired of it. David woke up at that point and took over for another 15 minutes. Then he gave up to. We decided at about 4:15 that we were going to teach Jacob a lesson and make him find another way to put himself to sleep. We figured that since Matthew wasn't home, it was a good night to do it. After 15 minutes of screaming, we ended up with David so wide awake that he got up to do his homework for his Master's class, and me rocking Jacob to sleep, undoubtedly with the pacifier in his mouth. Who taught whom the lesson???

I still don't know how I feel about the pacifier. But I think sooner rather than later, we're going to work on getting him to find another way to soothe himself. I'm tired of losing sleep over a little piece of plastic. I think in the long run, I'd rather him end up sucking a finger or thumb. As our doctor said the other day about finger/thumb sucking vs. pacifiers: "It's more convenient to not have to worry about where the pacifier is. As long as they aren't sucking fingers when their permanent teeth come in, it's not a big deal. And these days, most kids have braces anyway, so it doesn't really matter. If it lets him sleep well, then your husband will sleep well so he can work harder to earn the money to pay for the braces." (That's more or less what he said - and I have to say that I agree!)

I'm sure we'll continue to use the pacifier because it's the easy answer now...it depends on the day and my mood whether I like it or not. What's your opinion - pacifier or fingers?